What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 17:21
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why am I so jealous towards couples? Why am I tired of being single and feel my life is over?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Do liberals realise that God, who is much more powerful than them, is on the side of Trump?
We were not on the streets..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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But it wasn’t much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why do men like low maintenance women?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
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But, we were locked up after school.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Resilience may protect against psychopathic traits in people with childhood trauma - PsyPost
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I said to her
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im still living with it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is soul school!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We all went to grammer schools
She found it foreign!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I write beautiful poetry .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She married twice! .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Who then, do I blame.?
I was 9 years of age.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
All the time i was locked up.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It was going to be , some day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Ive learnt so much.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Was to survive, this bastard.
My life is so biszare .
She loved him until the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I waited trembling.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She wouldn,t have been !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was very sick at this time too.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Put me off passion for life!!
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I have no regrets .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He knew the spot.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But ive been too sick for many years..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was in good health!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I think the readers, may guess!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.